I Want a Refund

[Intro] Thank you for calling the White House. Your grocery bill is very important to us. Please hold until the next election. [Verse 1] Bought the hat, kept the tag, Got a bumper sticker, flag and bag. Heard the pitch: "We'll fix your life!" Told my wife, "That price sounds right." Then he changed the Gulf's whole name— My leaky roof stayed just the same. Now when rain comes pouring through, It's patriotic water damage, baby— Red, white, and mildew! [Chorus] I want a refund! I kept the receipt! You sold me a comeback; I bought a repeat. Big gold letters on a cardboard plan, Customer service is a guy who blames your grandma. I ordered cheaper living, got a commemorative cup— It says "WINNING" on the side, But the bottom's busted up. You can keep the hat and the victory dance— I want my money back in my pants! [Verse 2] Then came crypto with the boss's face— A gift-shop token for the marketplace. Bought some hope on my telephone; Watched that hope need a payday loan. My buddy said, "You gotta buy the dip!" I said, "Man, I'm trying to buy some chips." Now my retirement's a souvenir— And the souvenir says, "Wish your savings were here!" [Chorus] I want a refund! I kept the receipt! You sold me a comeback; I bought a repeat. Big gold letters on a cardboard plan, Customer service is a guy who blames your grandma. I ordered cheaper living, got a commemorative cup— It says "WINNING" on the side, But the bottom's busted up. You can keep the hat and the victory dance— I want my money back in my pants! [Bridge] "Law and order"—that's the brand. Then Jan. Six pardons, pen in hand. Some folks hit cops and still got grace— I parked twelve minutes in the wrong damn space. [Spoken] Apparently my problem was I respected the building. [Final Chorus] I want a refund! (HE KEPT THE RECEIPT!) You sold me a comeback; I bought a repeat. Renamed the water, put your face on cash— Could you put that kind of effort into taking out the trash? I ordered cheaper living, got a commemorative cup— It says "WINNING" on the side, But the bottom's busted up. You can keep the hat and the victory dance— I want my money back in my pants! [Outro] We regret to inform you: Your refund has been issued in Trump coin. I would've taken store credit at Four Seasons Total Landscaping.